


Drunk

by rudbeckia



Series: Random Worlds [46]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 05:16:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12904884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudbeckia/pseuds/rudbeckia
Summary: Kylo tells Hux they have to go to the Officers’ seasonal party. Hux protests that there are no seasons on a star destroyer and he will absolutely not have fun.Kylo Ren, disguised as Lt. Ani Darksider, should not be allowed to make the punch. Hux drinks too much and reveals a few things he’d rather have kept secret.





	Drunk

“What do you mean by _we have to attend the Finalizer seasonal party,_ Ren?” Hux frowned and looked down his nose at the same time, which had entirely the opposite effect from the scorn he intended to project since he was two inches shorter than the target of his disdain. “There are no _seasons_ on a super star destroyer. Besides, I am the commanding officer and I do not attend _parties.”_

“The Supreme Leader commands it,” replied Ren. “You and I must boost the morale of the officers. We are to participate in their social events.”  
“I don’t see how going to their stupid party will help,” said Hux in a more petulant tone. “I boost morale by praising good work and orders carried out efficiently. I can’t see how having the general show up at the once-a-standard-year officers’ piss-up will do anything positive at all.”

“As you wish,” said Ren with a shrug. “I will inform the Supreme Leader that—“  
“Oh for Sith sake, Ren.” Hux huffed. “Do you have to be a tattletale? Very well. I will go but I will stay for only as long as it takes to establish that I have taken part, and I will NOT have fun.”  
Ren smiled and put his helmet back on. “I will see you there at nine.”

At nine-fifteen, General Hux entered the officers’ mess, where the party was in full swing. A large bowl of punch, fruit pieces bobbing in colourful juice, sat in the middle of one of the refectory-style tables and officers in various modes of casual attire lounged around. Ranks mingled and danced to music that came from somewhere near the back of the bar. Hux adjusted his smart tunic, glad that he had not worn his uniform. A tall, broad-shouldered man wearing an outfit that screamed _reprobate!_ at Hux swaggered up and thrust a cup of punch at him.  
“Heeey, look who’s here.”  
A few officers saluted. A few slunk out of sight. Most didn’t recognise their general and the man who looked like a pirate. Hux narrowed his eyes.  
“Do I know—“  
He stared with wide open eyes at the neatly combed-back hair, the smile that showed uneven white teeth and the deep brown eyes of the other man.  
_”Kylo Ren?”_  
“Shh, call me Ani,” said Ren with a grin. “I’m mingling. It’s fun. Nobody knows who I am.”

“Lieutenant Darksider!”  
A light voice that Hux recognised called from the games room next to the bar. Mitaka appeared in the doorway, swayed a little and saluted sloppily.  
“Sorry, sir. Ani, we’re starting.”  
“Come and join us, sir!” said Ren, playing the part of the fictitious Lieutenant Ani Darksider with glee. “There are party games. Have more punch. It’s only has a little alcohol.”  
Hux sighed. Lieutenant Darksider would pay for this.

The punch did have only a little alcohol, if you drank only a little punch.

 

Hux woke up in his own bed with no memory of how he got there and _Lieutenant Ani Darksider_ still unconscious beside him. His head throbbed like the emergency backup generators and his mouth was as dry as the sands of Jakku. He turned over and groaned, _”Oh festering pit of Carkoon what happened.”_

“Oh, good _morning,_ general! I do hope you slept well.” The bright tones of the protocol droid cut into Hux’s gloom. He covered his eyes with his hands rather than risk the bright rose-gold shine hurting his eyes.  
“Ugh, Kayfour, quiet. Lights ten percent.”  
Kayfour reduced the volume of its voice. “I do apologise, sir. Would you like me to bring you and Master Ren some caf?”  
“Yes,” replied Hux, “and water.”  
“Perhaps you would like me to request a medidroid and cancel your morning schedule?”  
“Medidroid no, cancel no. I have a hangover. Bring me something for that.”  
“Understood, sir.”

Kayfour shuffled out. Hux shook Ren’s shoulder. “Wake up you fool.” Ren groaned and rolled himself more tightly into the blanket. Hux tutted and pushed himself up to sit on the edge of the bed. Kayfour returned with two glasses of water, two cups of caf and two sachets of powder. Hux tipped one powder into his water glass, the other into Ren’s, and waited for the fizz to subside. He drank quickly and made a face at the taste. Behind him, Ren groaned again and Hux slapped his blanket-swaddled arse.  
“Get up. Drink this.”  
Ren’s voice came muffled. “Will it kill me faster than this agony?”  
“Don’t be so bloody melodramatic,” snapped Hux. “Sit up.” Ren pushed himself up, eyes closed and hair plastered to his forehead. Hux laughed. “Kriff you look rough. Here.” He guided Ren’s hand to the glass and watched him take a sip, grimace, then down the rest in one. When Ren finally opened his eyes, Hux said, “Well then, seems you’ll live. I’m getting a shower. Be gone by the time I’m done.”

 

Hux dressed in a fresh uniform and instructed kayfour to see to it that his quarters were thoroughly cleaned before his return. The hangover remedy had dealt with his headache and nausea but the slight unreal feeling and bad temper remained. The bridge crew seemed a little subdued and when Hux asked if the lighting had been deliberately dimmed, Mitaka mumbled something about saving power and Hux commended him for his commitment to the efficient running of the ship. At the end of his usual bridge inspection, Hux caught Mitaka watching him and something clicked into place in his memory with appalling clarity. He felt his face warm and was suddenly very glad of the dimmed lighting. He nodded to Mitaka.  
“Lieutenant, report to my office at your mid-shift break.”  
“Oh! Um. Yes, sir.”

Hux walked off the bridge as stiffly and quickly as decorum allowed. Once safely in his office with the door closed, he sank into his chair, sat with his head in his hands and groaned, _”oh no, kriffing hell no.”_

There had been punch. It was rather good, he’d decided. A little sweet but with a gentle kick under the fruit flavour. He’d finished the cup that Ren had brought him, then another. He’d followed Ren into the back room with Mitaka and, as promised, there had been games. Hux remembered two officers laughing and joking that he could not possibly be General Hux because General Hux was far too uptight to play party games, and he’d been relaxed enough by his fourth cup of punch to laugh along and agree with them that yes, his resemblance to the general was uncanny. Ren brought the entire bowl of punch through and poured more for everyone. He’d laughed and confided in Ren that being undercover was, so far, fun.

 

Hux got up and poured a glass of water from his dispenser, sipped and frowned as his headache threatened to return. He returned to his chair and sat with his elbows on his desk, unable to concentrate on the stack of datapads by his console. When the door beeped to let Mitaka in, he was almost relieved by the distraction.

“Please sit down, lieutenant.”  
“Thank you sir.”  
“Would you like some water?”  
“Oh yes _please.”_ Mitaka poured himself a drink and produced a small sachet. Hux looked at it and Mitaka offered it to him. He took it. Mitaka smiled and produced another from his pocket. Together they waited for the fizz to subside and gulped down the remedy.  
“You would think that with all the medical expertise at our command there would be a way of alleviating this illness,” said Hux.  
“Indeed,” replied Mitaka, “I believe current medical advice is based entirely on prevention rather than cure.”  
“As it should be,” said Hux. “Thankfully few people are aware of my own condition last night. I take it nothing untoward occurred and—“  
“Sir?” Mitaka couldn’t stop himself from interrupting. “You don’t remember?”  
Hux felt the nausea return. He fixed Mitaka with a red-rimmed glare. “Tell me everything. Leave out _nothing.”_

Mitaka took a deep breath. “Well, sir. We played _Twizzler._ Ani challenged me and won on a technicality because he still had all four extremities on the correct shapes and his body did not touch the mat because it landed on me when he collapsed. He challenged you next and you were, um, really enthusiastic, sir.”  
“Twizzler?”  
“Yes, sir. You know, the game with the spinner thing and the plastifilm sheet with the coloured shapes on it? Right hand on red rhombus and so on?”  
“Oh! Yes. I’m rather good at that, actually.”  
“Yes, sir. You showed yourself to be quite limber and very competitive. When the game finished you were straddling Ani with your hands and feet on the coloured shapes and your face on his hip. He lost because he suddenly yelped, burst out laughing and collapsed and you landed on top of him. He accused you of biting his arse. There was a bit of an argument, all in fun, sir, and I declared it a tie to save having to confess that I saw you.”  
“Oh Sith on a stick, no.”  
“You did sir. Sorry sir. I don’t think Ani minded in the least because he got up and brought the entire second bowl of punch through and refilled your cup.”  
“Please,” sighed Hux, “tell me that’s all.”

Mitaka shook his head. “We played another game with dice where the person who throws the highest score challenges the person who scores lowest to answer a question truthfully or remove an item of clothing. We played a few rounds and we all lost shirts and shoes except Ani, then I threw a three and Ani won with ten so he asked if I ever had sex with a senior officer.”  
Hux spluttered his drink and coughed into his elbow. Mitaka shook his head.  
“Oh! No, no I didn’t say anything but they made me take my shorts off and I had to cover myself with my cup so at least I had to stop drinking. You lost the next round and Ani asked if you’d ever had sex on the bridge. He was very insistent that you answer and, well sir, you were down to your underpants. Nobody would blame you.”  
Hux was speechless as memories flooded back with prompting.  
“You were very nice about it. Said it was a long time ago and there was this _really, really hot_ officer and we went down on one another behind the weapons console during a silent running drill. But you were kind enough not to identify m... the other officer, sir. Anyway, I think Ani felt bad because he lost the next four games in a row and got down to his shorts, and everybody forgot about you and your mystery officer as they desperately tried to get Ani to lose again.”

Hux looked drained. He stared into space. Mitaka frowned. “Sir? Are you all right?”  
Mitaka’s voice melted through Hux’s misery. Every new revelation from Mitaka was confirmed as his own memory filled in details.  
“Doph, I am so sorry.”  
“Oh it’s fine, sir. Nobody except Ani Darksider guessed it was me and he promised never to say anything. I told him I’d deny it in any case.” Hux looked up for a second. Mitaka smiled and shrugged. “It’s not like it wasn’t mutual attraction and I knew it was a one time thing.”  
Hux nodded. “I appreciate your discretion. Was that the end of the party? Did Darksider and I leave?” Mitaka sucked his lip and pulled a face. Hux sighed. “Go on.”

“We played one more game. Everyone was pretty drunk. Someone brought out the spinner again and set it in the middle of the circle. We had to spin the spinner and kiss whoever it pointed to. You got me and kissed my cheek but Ani said _Call that a kiss? Are you his grandmother?_ and you kissed me again but on the lips and for long enough that someone whistled. It was a bit awkward, I mean we’d done _stuff_ back then but never _that._ Anyway, when I spun it I got you. You accused Ani of fixing the game and said you were going home as soon as you found your trousers.”

“And that’s it?” asked Hux. “There are no more little details waiting to pop up in my mind and ruin my day?”  
“That’s it,” replied Mitaka. “Ani said he’d see you back to your quarters. I asked him if he knew where your quarters were and he gave me a funny look so I waited then followed you both.”  
“You _followed_ us?”  
“Yes, sir. I didn’t know if Ani would take you to your quarters or not. You were quite drunk, sir. I wanted to make sure... well. You know.”  
“You wanted to make sure I wasn’t taking advantage of Darksider?”  
“Oh! No, quite the opposite, sir. I know you’re honourable but I hardly know Ani. I have not been able to find out anything about him at all.”  
“You were protecting me?”  
“Yes, sir. Sorry sir.”  
“So when Darksider brought me to my quarters and came inside with me, what did you do?”  
“I, um, broke in, sir. I have an old override code. You were out cold in bed and I asked Ani what he intended to do. Um. That’s when he told me, sir.”  
“WHAT?”  
“That you had him transferred to _The Finalizer_ because he’s your husband, sir, and he wanted to make sure there was nothing lingering between us. I promise I will tell no one.”

Hux couldn’t stop himself. He thumped the desk so hard that his datapads clattered and Mitaka flinched. “He is NOT my husband! He is KYLO. KRIFFING. REN!”  
Mitaka pushed his chair back, stood up and saluted. “Sir, permission to return to duty?”  
“Go! I expect your silence.”  
Mitaka nodded, saluted again and scurried out. Once the door closed, Hux thumped the desk again and tapped his comm.  
“Master Ren, I demand that you escort Lieutenant Ani Darksider to my quarters. We have a divorce to arrange.”


End file.
